.

what is it with me and relationships?



why is I'm so scared when I'm alone; I cant stand to be alone; I need to be with someone to be able to function on even a basic level


but once I'm in a relationship it flips the eithier way; I'll fight and fight and fight to get out; I find little wrongdoing in everything around me; I'll pick and push and push and push until the other, the person with me can no longer be with me

and I wont have it another way because I cant end a relation ship, even if I'm pushing so hard to get out; I can't get myself there because inside; I'm still so scarred of being alone that I drive myself back in to a relationship; where I may not want to be in.


I put up with so much just to not be alone, but then I give so much pain and crap out, its suprising I'm not alone; I push so hard and break so much, and yet I still need to be inside; to have that reassurance that I'm not alone.




why cant I function in a relationship?
why cant I function outside of a relationship?

why can't I just function?




I think I need help,

but I cant do this alone;
but I have to do it alone.



I need help

I need help to be alone




I need help to be safe when I'm alone


because at the moment;

I'm not.